Throwing Punches; You know him, you love him...
A dream realized can quickly become a nightmare...
I was still new to hosting and very excited to have a weekend of shows with a national headliner at The Punch Line, my town’s A club. I got there early, my clothes were washed and pressed, I avoided sitting so they wouldn’t get wrinkled. I went over my set, which I’d gone over and over endlessly all day, all week. I had it down, my timing was exact, I was ready.
I’d worked hard to get here. Being passed at the Punch Line was a huge milestone and was my number one goal for the years leading up to my audition. Every year Punch Line put out a t-shirt with the names of all the emcees and features who’d worked that year on the back of the shirt. And every year I’d say, “This is the year I get on the shirt.”
Getting passed at the Punch was how local comics measured success. “Are you passed?” “She’s good. Is she passed yet?” “I can’t believe that guy got passed.” I’d started in my late twenties, later than most of my peers, and now I was in my thirties. It was really important to me to to get passed. I felt like a comic in their thirties should be passed.
They introduced me, and my walk up music came on. I’d chosen Tricky by Run DMC. It was upbeat, fit my generation and identity, and its one of my favorite songs. The crowd responded well to it. I felt good as I walked through the audience. I grabbed the microphone, said Hi, and told my first joke. It hit. That first joke was everything. How well it worked let me know how my whole set was going to go. I hadn’t yet learned how to adjust and change gears. I had a plan, and I could move forward through it, hopefully the audience connected with it. This night, they connected with it. I was having a great time with them.
I did my closer, and got a huge round of applause. I felt indestructible as I introduced Uncle Brother, an improv duo who were featuring. It was unusual to have improv and stand up mixed like this. I’d never run into it before. They were cool guys, friendly and really funny. I enjoyed their set, and now I just had to introduce the headliner, and my work was mostly done other than a quick ‘Goodnight. Drive home safe. Visit the club’s website’, at the end.
I jogged up to the stage, shook hands with the guys from Uncle Brother, and as I grabbed the microphone I suddenly realized I couldn’t remember the headliner’s name. I knew him, I was a fan even, but the slot in my brain where his name was stored was empty. I could see the shape of it, I could feel the texture of it, but I couldn’t remember his name.
Instantly beads of sweat formed on my forehead, my stomach gurgled. I felt lightheaded as I asked the audience, “You having fun? Remember to tip your server, they’re working hard for you.” An emcee isn’t supposed to take too long between comic, and you’re not supposed to do material, especially before you bring out the headliner. “Are you ready for you headliner?!” I yelled. They were! They were ready. They let me know they were totally ready for their headliner. I was not. “You know him, you love him.” I said, my eyes desperately scanning the tables in the front row that were close enough to the stage lights for me to see the flyers the club slipped under the glass tabletops. “From Saturday Night Live, he’s the Ladies’ Man...” I was hoping they hadn’t changed the flyers out yet. “Please give him the warmest welcome…” There wasn’t much more I could say… my mind was still blank. “Let him know Sacramento Loves him…” and then I was silent. The crowd cheered, assuming I was building tension. I could see him in the back of the room, on deck, waiting to make his way to the stage. He looked at me expectantly, then a bit concerned. And right before I was about to say ‘Welcome your headliner!’ and slink off stage in shame and defeat I spotted one yellow flyer on the last table to my right. “Give it up big for Tim Meadows!” The crowd went nuts. Tim Meadows took the stage. I went to the green room and collapsed on the couch.
Throwing Punches is a new series I’ll be sharing here. “Cautionary tales, inspiration, and entertainment for aspiring comedians and comedy super fans.” I hope you dig it.